i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Randomize
