He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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