the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
