This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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