Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
