He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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