He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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