i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
