I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
