Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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