turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
