and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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