first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
