it was like eating out sand paper
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
