we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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