Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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