glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
