Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
