i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
