I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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