Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
