what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
