When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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