my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
