I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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