My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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