Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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