my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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