Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
