bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
