Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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