does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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