They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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