you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
