he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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