Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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