It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
