The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
