i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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