They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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