just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You ruined the universe
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
