FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
