Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
