I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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