He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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