Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
