quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
