Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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