I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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