If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
