I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
