More tranny stories later!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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