Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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