The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
