Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
