I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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