Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Holy shit dude........stairs
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