Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
