2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
