wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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