I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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