I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
