what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
