i don't like sucking hair
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im holly from the hills drunk
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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