I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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