I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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