five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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