YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
