apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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