I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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