did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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