She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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