shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
