u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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