This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize