All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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