Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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