You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
