it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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